i was just reading old posts, from the time i was pregnant with jamin. they were very similar. i was in the same situation then. just as miserable. i don’t know, it’s possible it’s worse this time. it sure feels like it. it was about 16 weeks that i seemed to turn the corner with his pregnancy. i pray that happens with this one too. i’m nearly 12 weeks now, and 4 more weeks doesn’t seem that bad, in the grand scheme of things. it was funny to read that i was SURE we weren’t having any more kids after jamin. lol.
right now i still have the zofran pump all the time, and i also have an iv hooked up for hydration. i feel a little better with that, but i still don’t feel great. going into the kitchen still sends me vomiting. 
it’s also really hard to do anything at all (even if i had the energy) with the boys with wires all over your body, and an iv to drag around. the stairs are really fun.
i’m really sorry i’m so depressing anymore. i’m honestly so depressed that i don’t even want to post anything, but i want there to be something written about this pregnancy.
i feel baby bless moving a lot. i’ve been trying to remember to rub my tummy and speak to baby, because i just feel so sick i forget WHY i’m so sick. i love this baby so much. i do not want to resent him/her in any way.
this IS our last baby this time. it is. 4 is it. i honestly could not go through it again. i love each of my babies so much. i would do anything for them. it’s not fair to them or to my hubby to put myself through this again.
please keep praying for us. it’s a real struggle to get through each day. the church is helping, but there are still lots of gaps that need to be filled. pray specifically for my spiritual and emotional health.
love you all!