…is today. please be praying for his family. his mommy, daddy, big sisters, big brother, and his grandparents. this precious little boy touched many lives.

personally, i don’t know what i would do at my child’s funeral. i don’t know what joy i could share. but i think they are stronger than i am.

please just pray.

Knox is with the Lord. He died last night.

The medical helps were removed, and Knox passed 2-3 hours later.

please please pray for his mom, dad, and big sisters and big brother. pray for everyone that has been touched by this precious little boy’s life.

here is what i keep thinking:

Anyway - Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin’
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray
It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy
It’s hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ‘em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray
It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
{WE PRAY}
Anyway

The test did not show any improvement. Please pray that they don’t have to make a decision regarding his life. Please pray that either there is the miracle we all want or that the decision is taken completely out of their hands.

Kiersten (family friend) is on the way home. She needs prayer to make it home ok. She ASKED for prayer (and she’s been reluctant to do that so it’s time to pelt the throne.)

if each of you can post a small prayer request on your blog about this precious family, i would appreciate it. be very general if you can, for their protection, but i know they appreciate prayer!!!

i have a good online friend whose little boy, about 15 months old, was found floating in his bathtub full of water. he is in the hospital and things do not look good. please please please pray and have everyone be praying for him. it will take a miracle for him to be ok.
thank you so much.

ETA: please continue praying. we will know more tomorrow. here is the precious boy for whom you are praying:

—-

update from this am:

Knox took a turn for the worse last night. His reaction to light stimuli has decreased. The docs had a serious conversation with Jon last night and he’s noticed a change in their demeanor. He said it is not time for any final decisions yet, as there are EEGs and other tests that they want to run. Jon told me it was not time to call everyone to come and say goodbye, but the outlook is bad.

:( :(

i’m still praying for a miracle!!!!

—

update this afternoon:

Ok, the EEG is over and unfortunately the news isn’t what we wanted. They were hoping for something definitive showing brain function or none but instead they’re hanging in the middle.

The anti-seizure meds can be what is causing the little bit of brain activity right now. So now we wait. It is a matter of hours or even a day or two depending upon how long it takes his body to metabolize the meds and get them out of his system. The doctor said that we never give up hope but this isn’t good news either.

After the EEG he had stuff in his hair from the proceedure so Rachel and kirky got to give him a bath and then they brought in a recliner so Rachel could hold him. She’s been holding him for the past two hours.

:( :( :( oh please Lord Jesus!!!!

updated prayer requests from tues. pm:

Please pray for definitive results tomorrow.

Please continue to pray for sleep and health.

Please continue to pray for Anne Michal, Elizabeth, Emma & Jack (his siblings).

If you pray for one thing, pray that all decisions are taken out of Jon & Rachel’s hands.

ok how come when i say josiah will be two years old in four months, it sounds like it’s gonna fly by, but when i say jamin is due in four months, it sounds like an eternity?! oh how the mind plays tricks on a mama!! lol.

seriously, i can’t believe it’s 4 months till either! that’s just crazy! my baby boy will be two years old! and my littlest baby boy will be here!! WOW!

oh i had to share this, that i got from an anonymous emailer:

Hey Blessed Mama,

I recently read that you felt like you “lost a daughter” when you found out you were having a baby boy. It broke my heart instantly when you said that! I cannot believe coming from your background of infertility that you would say something so heartless. You are BLESSED with 3 healthy children that God has graced you with!!! I have been trying for years and years to get pregnant and wish I could have a boy or a girl. Enough said. God Bless.

- Anonymous

wow. so, honestly, i didn’t realize that having experienced infertility voided all future feelings. i am EXTREMELY happy and i KNOW i am blessed with my three boys. if i could have PREVENTED my disappointed feelings, i would have. ignoring them, acting like they weren’t there, would not have been right. i wanted prayer from people who care about me, so i asked for it. otherwise i wouldn’t have shared with anyone online about it! i certainly feel i received more flack than support about said feelings. one shouldn’t judge another’s feelings harshly just because one doesn’t understand or share said feelings. i suppose one should go so far as to say, because i had infertility, i can NEVER talk about how sick i was, vomiting up a lung and being in the hospital for dehydration. i can’t talk about how labor hurts either, right? how unfair is it? i am blessed, but i am HUMAN. i still have feelings. i even make mistakes! i don’t know, this just struck me as so cruel, to try to make me feel horrible for feelings i never wanted to feel in the FIRST PLACE!!!!
—

i bought myself a purse for mother’s day that allows you to slide an 8×10 photo or layout into each side (front/back). i still need to make the other side, but here’s side1:

aren’t my guys beautiful?!

(btw i did the scrap layout first, then did the site layout!)

on side2, i plan to have a pic of jerry and the boys (not sure details yet), and it’s just gonna say “my guys”. i can hardly wait till they are both done and printed and in my purse!!

btw YES jamin is pr. jay-min. and i realized in bed the other night that josiah’s name has jamin’s name in it: josiah benJAMIN. how funny is that? (if anyone noticed and didn’t mention it…yeah right. :P) i was all worried, thinking we would be on the search again, but jerry said he doesn’t mind. so. jamin is still his name! i WAS really obsessed with wanting “ah” at the end, but i got over it.

we have three bedrooms - our master bedroom, the boys’ room, and the “play” room, which we also call the girls’ room. it’s peach right now. what we’re planning is to paint it a sage green or something like that, make it a really fun play room, have all boys in the boys’ room together. the crib stays in our bedroom the first few months anyway (well the first month or so, until baby is too big, he’s in our room in the bassinet /co-sleeping). the boys’ room is blue, red and white, and it’s (in our hearts anyway) a sport-themed room. still need to get the sporty decorations. LOL. all there is right now is a baseball lamp, and their comforters from gramma are sports-themed.

well happy 20 months to my baby monkey boy! i am trying to work on a list of all the words he says - he is really a smarty i must say!! he has so many words “right on”. but tell me why blanket is “inguk” and i’ll send you a cookie!

have a great night - love you all.

we decided on a name for now! i really like jamin zachariah, and jerry said that’s fine with him, unless we discover another name we love even more.

that reminds me, yesterday i was asking jeremiah what we should name baby, and he said “he’s j-bug!” and i said “well how about jamie-bug? his name can be jamin and we can call him jamie?” and he said “NO not jamie-bug, J-BUG!!!!” so i told him whatever we named him, he could call him j-bug. and he was very happy. LOL!

i really need to get better at writing cute stuff out…i forget it so quickly!!!

anyway i KNEW if i could call him something, i would feel much better about him being a boy. i’m imagining matching outfits, ballgames, and much more boy fun. who knows if we’ll have another baby - it will be the Lord’s doing if we do. if we have another boy, he’ll probably jadon timothy or jadon something else. and of course we have our girl’s name all set.

thanks for all the prayers for us. love you guys!

it’s kinda blurry but here’s the ultrasound video!

http://s86.photobucket.com/albums/k84/blessed-mama/vid/jboy/?action=view&current=babyboy.flv

and he measures being due august 27, which was my original thought. he is absolutely perfect, everything looks perfect. i believe i weighed 152 or 153. i will see about getting my pic tomorrow. we were too bummed to do it earlier.

so, any name ideas for us?

i will get pics up later, but….

BOY.

i’m afraid jerry and i aren’t handling it well. and we aren’t sure on a name anymore either. please pray for us right now! it’s ridiculous, but it feels like we have “lost” a daughter. i can’t help but see how dumb the feeling is, but it’s real, nonetheless.  :(

i’m halfway there!!!! can you believe it? tell me it will fly by now, will ya?

well today’s the day! and to be completely honest, i’m being such a dork about today’s ultrasound, it’s driving me nuts. i want so badly for this baby to be a girl that i don’t want to react horribly if baby turns out to be a boy! please don’t take that the wrong way - i love my boys to no end, but i just have thought this one was a girl since the beginning, and soooo want it to be so!!! so i have been praying about my reaction if i’ve been wrong. i actually feel sick to my stomach, like i have an oral report due today! it’s pretty pitiful, and no, i was not this way with either boys’ ultrasound!! please pray for me in this!

i had already decided the other day, when i realized that i was feeling so much better (hyperemesis has been taken away), that i don’t think this can be the last baby. i know, i know. but three has just always seemed uneven to me. growing up as three might be the reason. but of course jerry has a say in this too! lol. he would like this baby to be “it” but i still want at least one more. four still sounds perfect to me.

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. She’s also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel. (For the first 20 weeks, we use measurements taken from the top of the baby’s head to her bottom — known as the “crown to rump” measurement. After that, we use measurements from head to toe. This is because a baby’s legs are curled up against her torso during the first half of pregnancy and are very hard to measure.)

Your baby is swallowing more, which is good practice for her digestive system. She’s also producing meconium, a black, sticky substance that’s the result of cell loss, digestive secretion, and swallowed amniotic fluid. This meconium will accumulate in her bowels, and you’ll see it in her first messy diaper (although a few babies pass it in utero or during delivery). 

You’ve made it to the halfway mark — Congratulations! The top of your uterus is at the level of your belly button now, and you’ve likely gained about 10 pounds. Expect to gain an average of about another pound each week from now on. (If you started your pregnancy underweight, you may need to gain a bit more; if you were overweight, perhaps a bit less.) Make sure you’re getting enough iron, a mineral that’s used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron for your developing baby and the placenta, and to keep up with your expanding blood volume. Iron-rich foods include lean red meat, poultry, fish, lentils and other legumes, spinach, and iron-fortified cereals.

jeremiah just did his guess for the baby pool! i asked him what numbers he wanted for the weight, i let him choose between 19,20&21inches, i pulled up an august calendar for the date, and we looked at a clock for the time. i think he picked pretty well!

i told him afterwards that if he wins, if the answers were right, he will get the prize. he said, “they’re right - i winned!” LOL i told him that we won’t know who won until the baby is born.

how cute is he?