sorry to scare you julie!

my pastor never wrote back but i have heard from and been helped by several ladies in the church. they have given meals, offered to do laundry, offered to go shopping, and one even helped clean the downstairs for me.

i am just not sure what i’m going to do with myself. with the zofran, i feel miserable. i am still vomiting 0-5 times a day. but without it, i feel hopeless and like i want to die. so of course i want to continue to take it! but the insurance is really strange with this med, and has said different things about how many pills i can get. 9 for 5 days for 5 dollars, 6 for 3 days for 5 dollars, 20 for 25 days for 5 dollars. i’m very frustrated. i found out with mail order a 90 day supply is only 5 dollars, so i’m going to ask the dr to write me a script for a 90 day supply. i have a check-up today. i have lost about 8 lbs since before i was pregnant. i’m trying not to worry about baby bug, but it’s hard not to.

josiah is officially weaned.

both boys have horrible dia. and i can’t figure out why. jeremiah is still going in the potty, but it makes quite a mess. jeremiah’s poor tummy hurts, but he thinks he’s hungry.

i just wanted this to be quick to let you know i’m still around.

love you and thanks for your continued prayers!

when you KNOW you need help, and you aren’t afraid to admit it, how do you go about asking for help?
i asked my mom today and she said to call or email the pastor and let him know what’s going on. so i emailed him, since i couldn’t find the phone number. waiting for his reply.
it’s very humbling, and it was awkward to do. why does it feel so bad to ask for help, even though you KNOW you need it?!
people are always saying “let me know if you need anything” but when you do need help, how do you ask? AND what kind of response do you get usually?

it’s just such a strange feeling to be so in “need” of someone else.

here’s what i wrote to the pastor that would help us:

someone coming for general clean-up - kitchen, bathrooms, etc
someone coming for laundry help - doing and putting it away
someone bringing dinners
someone watching the boys so i can rest.
maybe someone grocery shopping?

also if anyone in the church has one of those huge foldable gates (that can go across the room), we are looking for one of those, to block off our dining room. josiah is truly a monkey, and ends up on the dining room table very often.

hopefully it wasn’t too beggy.

i really need your continued prayers!!!!!!!

Week 9

Your Baby’s Development

Week nine heralds the onset of a critical stage when your baby’s muscles, nerves and organs are forming. Baby’s now grown to about peapod size, and weighs a little less than half an ounce. She’ll move away if you press against the uterine wall when you touch your belly, but you won’t be able to feel her moving for several more weeks. {unless you’re a freak of nature, like me!}
While Baby’s developing quickly, it’s still almost impossible to tell on ultrasound whether you’re going to have a boy or a girl, although genitals are beginning to develop.

By week nine, she’s also:

• Growing by leaps and bounds. Her head is now quite large compared to the rest of her body, and curves onto her chest. Baby’s arms have grown, her hands are now flexed at the wrists, and her legs are lengthening. Her feet may be long enough to meet in front of the body.
• Developing clearly visible fingers and toes.
• Continuing to develop her digestive system.
• Developing eyelids that are beginning to cover the eyes and fuse together (Baby’s eyes won’t open until about week 27).
• Completing development of the inner and external ears.
• Experiencing the first nerve connections in the brain, although she’s far from being conscious.

i just noticed the use of the female tense. hmmmmmmm. i didn’t put that there!
i can definitely feel the baby a lot now. i know i wasn’t imagining it before either. i just have a VERY sensitive body. believe me or not - it’s the truth.

i am feeling a LITTLE better. i have been eating when i feel sick, and it usually helps a little. i still have to lie down almost all day. it’s really hard on jerry and the boys. tell me how to keep josiah off the dining room table!?!?!?!

i am weaning slowly but surely. he gets ONLY before naps and bedtime now, and i can tell my milk is very slowly drying up. at first it was HORRIBLE but he’s handling it really well now. now, when he asks me for “nuhs” i say, “not now, when it’s naptime”, he will laugh. before he would bawl. so progress is being made.

tomorrow is jeremiah’s party. we’re having it at mom’s now. he said something really cute today. jerry asked him if he felt three yet. he said no, not yet. so jerry asked him when he would feel three. he said tomorrow at my party. LOL! i guess it takes a party to really age?

continue to pray for our little family! thanks so much! love you!

i cannot believe that you are THREE years old. it still seems like yesterday that papa and i were praying so hard for your conception. then we prayed so hard for you to come safely into the world. and now you are three. time sure does fly.

you are such an amazing son! you are so sweet, sensitive and helpful. you are mama’s big helper. you still have a bit of an attitude sometimes, but for the most part, you are obedient and compliant when you are asked to do something. you grow more and more handsome every day, and you are so smart! you love your little brother and your new baby sibling (you are SURE baby j-bug is a baby sister).

there are so many things about you that amaze me. you are such a precious child. i can’t believe that you potty trained by your third birthday! you stay dry all day and (most) every night. you also only poop in the potty. you can pee in a toilet wherever you are - this is a big hurdle for you!

i am just amazed by the person that you are. i wish that i felt better to go into more detail about how much you mean to me. i cry when i think about all that you are to me. and i love the fact that you always want me to sing your special “jeremiah” song to you.

happy third birthday, jeremiah. we love you SOOOOOO much!!!! 

love,

mama

———-

i went for my checkup today to see how i was doing - i am up half a pound, which they are thrilled about. he gave me a prescription for 8mg instead of 4mg, hoping that helps more.
he listened for the heartbeat, and since he couldn’t hear it, and we just HAPPENED to be in the ultrasound room, he did a quick u/s of baby bug. jeremiah and i saw the tiny little bug and the heart swirling. jeremiah is convinced he’s going to have a baby sister. it’s always such a thrill to see your baby on the screen. i just get tears fill my eyes and it takes my breath away! it was really neat that jeremiah got to see baby bug too. besides the dr and me, he’s the only one who’s seen j-bug!! how cool is that?!

did i mention what name i’m thinking of for a boy? jakobah jamison. what do you think? we are sure about the first name. his nn will be koby. just not set on a middle name yet. it has to be seven letters.

gotta get to bed - tomorrow’s a big day for the birthday boy. we’re actually not doing anything, but i still want it to FEEL special for him.

some of you who know me have been here from the beginning of my journey. from even before i was ttc. others of you came somewhere in the middle, and others still are fairly new friends.

but those of you who know me know that my babies mean everything to me. i have gone through MUCH in my pregnancies, and i would (and am LOL) do it again, because that’s how much i love my kids.

when i made the comment the other day, i didn’t really explain what i mean. yes, i’m pretty sure this will be the last pregnancy. if, God forbid, something should happen to baby j-bug, and we lost him/her, of course i would feel differently, and would probably want to try again. but if this pregnancy continues to delivery, i am saying we probably will not TRY to conceive again.

as i mentioned, we probably won’t use surgical measures to prevent pregnancy. but i won’t TRY to get pregnant anymore, like figuring when the time is right for conception, etc. if by some miracle we conceive again, i won’t curse God or anything! we will take the blessing and be happy with it! but we just aren’t going to TRY to conceive anymore. i hope this makes sense to everyone.
those of you who have been through HG hopefully know what i mean. it’s utterly debilitating. even when you’re NOT vomiting, you FEEL like vomiting. your entire world is miserable and ICKY. the time that should be joyful, isn’t.

don’t get me wrong. as i said, i LOVE my baby!!!! i am VERY thankful to be pregnant. i am extremely blessed. to conceive once time, let alone three, is a miracle. i honestly just can’t believe it. i cry when i think about how amazing it is, and how blessed i am.

i just know that this isn’t fair. it’s not fair to my boys. it’s not fair to my husband. and it’s not fair to me. it’s not fair to my mom, either, who has been helping me out like crazy!

it’s possible that we may still get our dream of adoption one day. anything’s possible.

even with the generic zofran i am still feeling horrible. not vomiting all the time, about 1-2 times a day now, but still feeling like vomiting ALL.THE.TIME. it is rare to see me smile for real, even tho the boys can get a small smile out of me sometimes.

another thing that is totally making me an emotional basketcase: the dr would like me to wean josiah. i don’t think he would have suggested it if my pregnancy was “normal” but since i’m losing so much fluid anyway, give josiah some really takes away from me and the baby. it’s REALLY hard. i have been cutting back on the few sessions we have, and he is not handling it well. he SCREAMS and cries and pulls on my shirt and says “NUHHSSSSSS” and breaks my heart. :( if anyone knows of any good weaning tips, i’d love to hear them. it is not going well for both of us. i’m just such an emotional basket case already, that when he’s so upset i don’t know what to do. any help to make it easier would be great.
well i’ve about spent my time, and gotten up a few times in between. sometimes i have to just go lie on the recliner and then come back. sigh.

please continue to pray for me. love you guys!

i’m back from the hospital. i had a normal checkup but the dr thought it would be best to put me on an iv drip and give me some zofran in the hospital.

i feel better than i have in over 2 weeks! i actually laughed and tickled the boys when i got home! the first thing jeremiah said when i came home was “mama, are you all bettered?” because he knew i was going to the dr who was supposed to make me feel better. isn’t he sweet? he has been such a sweetie, trying to help me feel better and offer me things, etc.

currently my mom is trying to pick up some GENERIC zofran - yes, they are supposed to have the generic kind now!!!

i just can’t believe how bad i felt, and how good i feel now, comparitively!!

unfortunately it took three people to get my blood tests. two did three sticks and one did just one. wow that’s painful. trying to find my vein for the iv was hard too. my veins are unusually small, then factor in dehydration, and wow, they’re almost nonexistant!!

but anyway thanks for all who have been praying! please continue to keep me and baby j-bug in your prayers.

one thing is fairly certain. this will be my last pregnancy unless the Lord majorly changes mine and jerry’s hearts and minds on the matter. i don’t think we’ll do anything permanent to prevent future pregnancies, but i know it is not fair to do this any more. this makes the pregnancy even more bittersweet than before. my last baby.

i’m not going to lie. i’m doing horribly. i am not able to be on for more than 15 minutes, but i haven’t even given myself that much lately. i have been lying down most of the time. if i’m up, i vomit. i’ve been sleeping A LOT.

tomorrow is my first appt. and i’m praying to get some zofran. i’m also praying i’m not sent to the hospital for an iv for dehydration. yes, it’s bad. didn’t i say that?

sorry for not keeping in touch, i promise when i feel better, i will do better.

please pray for me and pray for baby j-bug.

with morning sickness.

very strange that on the NOSE of 6 weeks, the morning kicked in!!! how strange is that?!

i was worried that something was wrong with baby j-bug because i wasn’t feeling sick. but i was praying for some other sign. *rolls eyes*

pray for me. it’s bad.

6 Weeks Gestation

• The lungs are beginning to form.
• Brain activity can be recorded.
• Eyes are present, but no eyelids yet.
• The heart is more developed and is beating.
• Early reflexes develop.
• The hands and feet have fingers and toes, but may still be webbed.
• The length is less than 1/4 inch.