i just had to mention, as i’m bursting with joy, some GOOD news to share.

one: my brother and sister in law are pregnant! they are due with their first baby in june. congratulations, jay and natalie, we are all so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this is the big secret i couldn’t mention the other day! but she had a dr’s appt and blood test and everything is looking great!!) please pray that she has a wonderfully easy, normal pregnancy and a happy healthy baby!

two: i just received an email from my dear friend autumn, the one who was having problems about the birth father in a potential adoption. the baby has been born, and they are flying out to meet her. so far it seems the birth father will step out of the way, as he is headed for boot camp soon. i guess he thought his girlfriend could watch the baby while he was away…so please pray for their trip and also that their trip will not be in vain. congratulations, autumn, b and f!!! i love you!!! i can’t wait to see your new little girl!!!!!

it just goes to show you…when you feel like you’re down lower than you can go, the Lord will bring something to you to push you back up again. thanks, LORD.

i have to say this has not been a good few weeks. first jerry and his heart problems. we still haven’t bought any life insurance either and now i am scared.

the other day a precious baby girl from one of the boards i go to died. she wasn’t a totally healthy baby, but she has been through miracle after miracle, so i think we all just held out hope that the Lord would continue to perform miracles in her life. but He had other plans. i have been bawling off and on since finding out. please pray for the mom and dad as they are of course devastated. they are the dans, if you could mention their names in your prayers.

then today, as i’m still grieving for the little girl, i find out a member of another board i go to has died suddenly after a car accident. she was a wife and mother of four under 11. click her photo for more info.

i don’t know what to think or what to feel. i feel as though i am walking in some sort of emotional fog. but even in it, i can feel something dark. something evil and heavy, like it’s almost an actual living person. i don’t know if it has anything to do with halloween. this is the first year i have actually considered letting the boys go trick or treating. i am not going to, just as i won’t pass out candy. this is just a personal conviction, and i’m not budging until i see something scriptural that ‘okays’ such a thing. if our church has a fall festival or something, we’ll take the boys there, but other than that, we’ll probably just dress them up as cute animals or something.
i really don’t know what i’m saying. i don’t know why halloween would have a stronger hold this year other than years before. or maybe it’s always like this around this time and i never realized it. maybe it’s because i am in prayer more. maybe it’s because i have two little ones. maybe i’m just more attune to spiritual things right now. who knows. but something just feels wrong. i honestly don’t think these two deaths are connected to this dark feeling, but it just makes the grief so much stronger and more accute.

please pray for these families and just pray against the powers of darkness. they are real, but Jesus has power over them, and so do we in Jesus’ name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i’m asking you a big favor again, but i signed up for a photography contest (thanks julie!). i would love to win a camera!!!
you do have to sign up but as far as i can see this is a 100% wonderfully legit contest. no spam, no being added to lots of mail lists.
anyway, i’d love your vote!
click here pretty please?

there are new pics up in the blessedmama gallery as of yesterday.

ETA: i can add one photo a day to the contest, so i will be posting the link as soon as i upload one each day. here is today’s: clicky

just wanted to post an update so no one is still worrying. please continue to pray but know he is doing better. his hr evened out, so they said he could leave at a little after 3 this morning. thank the Lord my mom spent the night, so she could either be here for the boys, or run to pick jerry up. she chose to pick jerry up (isn’t she awesome?).
he is sleeping right now and yes, you know him, he’s planning to work today. just the one shift. they put him on a med, not sure what, so we are hoping and praying it regulates well.
since we are fairly certain he has had this since he was a child - he can remember many times rushing to the dr or hospital because of this feeling and by the time he got there, results showed nothing was wrong - so we’re wondering if the meds don’t work right away if they might try a pacemaker or some other treatment.
just please continue to pray for us. thanks!!!

Jenn called this evening and left me a message asking me to please post for prayers. Her and Jerry did get a chance to go out for a bit today (Don’t know where or what), however when they came home he wasn’t feeling well at all. So she took him to the ER. Her mother is staying with the boys. When she called she said that Jerry was on an IV and he was feeling ok. She didn’t tell me anything else. I am sure it was short and sweet since it was on the answering machine. I did talk to her mother and she said that they had ran some tests but she had not heard any results yet. I will let you all know as soon as I hear something. Please keep Jerry and their family in your prayers. I am very worried about him. I hope that everything turns out okay.

11:50pm
this is jenn - thanks amanda for posting…i just got back from the hospital. jerry is staying over night. they want to monitor him. his heartrate went down with the meds, but it is still VERY irregular. it was down to 63 and up to 103 within a minute. he is ‘feeling’ better but of course we want him to stay until they think it’s best.
please continue to pray. we were talking about wills and life insurance…not that we think he’s going to die right now, but a heart condition is very serious and we want to be prepared and not be blindsided…

jerry came home from work early. his bp was 86/42. he has been having his heart difibrilation again, with blackouts and weak knees, etc. he knows we don’t have money to go to the er, plus last time they did nothing for him, so we are waiting to hear from someone at a heart physician’s office to see what our next step should be.
PLEASE PRAY!
the poor man is honestly more concerned with the money issue than with his health. he wanted to stay at work, in THIS condition, because he didn’t want to miss out on a day’s pay. my heart breaks for his dedication, but also that he feels he needs to work in such condition…
i know we are broke and need money but i keep thinking somehow the Lord will provide…i keep thinking that suddenly we will get a lot of orders in for the business.

just please pray. will update when i can.

UPDATE: call came back…they can’t get him in until oct 31!!! how ridiculous. he said he will just try to take it easy and if he feels horrible enough, he will have to go into the er. at least he realizes that…
please please pray!

ok i know, i sound like i’m begging. i sound like i’m whining. i sound like i can’t let go.

honestly, financially right now we are near desperation. we have literally 35 dollars in the bank and jerry needs to get gas. student loans came out of deferrment, our house payment is going up about 50 bucks a month, hospital and dr bills are overdue (in fact i just got a call saying that we would be sent to collections if we didn’t pay today, and obviously we can’t!!). jerry gets paid tomorrow, but it won’t go through until friday. we honestly honestly need the site to get some business soon. like SOON i mean. if you can ask around to your friends to see if they are interested in cards or gifts, please do.

i made a small logo, since i don’t make blinkies (don’t know how!) for you to put on your blog, if you are interested in getting us business. if you would like to, here it is: and please link it to http://www.blessedmama.com.

well i need to go take care of my son, who has ketchup in his hair and hasn’t napped yet. he actually napped for five minutes, then awoke screaming his head off. he made himself throw up he was so upset, and we still don’t know what happened. i am going to try to get him back to bed in a minute.

please pray for us guys.

ETA: blessing - we got an ‘early’ Christmas check of 40.00 from jerry’s mom.

a dear friend of mine, whom i met on the net several years ago, has a precious five year old through adoption. she has been trying to adopt another child since the little girl was around one or two. she has had several failed adoptions.
well, when i was pregnant with josiah, she emailed me on cloud nine - she was going to be a mommy again!
everything has been going great - she is going to adopt another little girl, who will be born at any time. the birth mom is still completely on board - she’s signed all the papers and everything. well, my friend just found out today that the birth father is refusing to sign the papers. he is 18.
my friend is really not doing well with this news. she has had too many failed adoptions and is just so heartbroken.
please pray for this baby and for my friend, as well as the situation. i know the Lord works in ways we don’t understand. please pray.

today was josiah’s two month appointment. he got three shots. i hate it when my kids get shots. i went alone, without jerry and jeremiah. it was hard, but i think my baby blues are over (again) because i got through it without a breakdown. i can’t say the same for josiah however!
at 2 mos, 5 days today, he weighed in at 12lbs 5 oz and was 23 inches long. 50% down the line. i am very excited with his weight, considering he’s 98% breastfed now!!! go, me!
(jeremiah weighed 13lbs and was 23in at 2mo, 4days.)
she of course said that co-sleeping is discouraged. i know this. and personally, i don’t WANT to do it. i don’t sleep well when he’s in bed with me. but at the same time, i love it. i love waking up and seeing his beautiful little face sleeping next to me. i love waking up to feeling something, to find his little hand on my face or in my hair. he reached out just to make sure i was there. it is so precious and amazing. he wants to be near me. it’s not about nursing anymore, since he nurses probably once or twice when he’s with me in bed. it’s about closeness. i wish i could have it without being concerned about his safety. i never sleep deeply because my mind won’t let me. i just can’t shake the feeling that something could happen to him.
he has been ending up in bed with me because as soon as i lie down to sleep, he somehow senses me and wakes up crying for me. it’s just easier on me to bring him to bed, since by that time i am so dreadfully tired i’ll fall asleep while nursing anyway.
tonight i’m going to move the bassinette a bit further away from the bed, and i’m also bringing the heating pad out. when jeremiah went through this stage, i turned the heating pad on medium, put it in his positioner and then took it out before putting him in it. it sort of ‘tricked’ him into thinking he was still with me, because it was so warm, and he was still surrounded by the positioner. hopefully it works with josiah too. i could REALLY use a great sleep tonight.

jerry and i are going to do something together on friday. we didn’t get to spend any time together today. but we know we love each other. isn’t that what matters?

if anyone has a business checking account, can you recommend or discourage your bank? we are wanting to start one up for BMC. we need minimum payments a month, since we don’t even know how it will go!

btw julie if you haven’t seen it, there are samples on the site now! not a ton, but some. i made a card for addie. it’s in the 5×7 section. it is one of my favorites now.

i have some super exciting news…but i can’t tell it yet. oh i am so horrible at secrets!!!!

God bless!

tomorrow is our 7 year anniversary. hard to believe. we didn’t do anything to celebrate and doubt we will. we have just had no time, no energy and no money for anything for just ‘us’ lately. jerry had originally wanted to buy me an engagement ring - i never had one - but i know it was way out of our budget.
well little man just woke up to nurse again so maybe i’ll be back tonight, maybe i won’t!
lol.

eta: jerry and i both got quite a bit done on the creations site! GO US! (http://www.blessedmama.com) i know - like you could forget.

i wanted to mention that the ring is really something HE wants ME to have. i am not big on jewelry myself. the simple wedding band i have is really fine with me. he insists he wants me to have a ring tho, so i have told him i either want a pearl or an opal. i do not like diamonds. i know, i’m crazy, all the girls tell me that. but they are just too showy for me. ? i do know i like silver or white gold better than yellow gold.

anyway i’m delirious with lack of sleep. tomorrow is josiah’s 2 month appointment and he’ll get his first shots. WAH i need to get to bed. hopefully i’ll be up to posting about today’s little adventure (we really didn’t do much, and didn’t really get many pics, but oh well!).

God bless!