failure is a strong word…
jennifer mentioned that she feels like she failed a bit on her plans of parenting. it made me want to voice my own feelings of failure, though they aren’t as strong as before. it’s just that all of us new mommies should stick together and be honest withe each other - so we know that we’re not alone and not the only ones who feel a certain way.
everyone knows i wanted to just breastfeed. now i’m nursing more and more and more, so i’m feeling pretty proud of us for that. also feeling very happy that i stuck with it! so i no longer feel a failure in that department.
i never wanted to co-sleep with my children. the thought actually always scared me to death, since we know people who accidentally suffocated their child while sleeping with him. but it seems in the mornings, it’s one of the best things in my day to bring jeremiah to the bed and nurse and then let him snooze. i can only trust myself in the mornings, when i can open my eyes and glance at him to make sure he’s ok, AND when jerry isn’t there, because he is all over the bed when he sleeps lol.
i wanted to teach my baby to read (yes, i did), i wanted to do baby massage (i suppose i still could), i wanted to do baby sign language (i still could do that too). but it seems that raising a baby is harder work than i thought. it takes more time and energy than i ever imagined. so the big plans i had, fall to the side when i look into jeremiah’s eyes and realize all he wants is to spend time with me. he is learning to love by being loved. he is learning he is important when i put him before laundry or television or computer time. he is learning to love the Lord when i pray with him.
so in some ways i feel i have failed…but only what i THOUGHT i wanted to do. in the end, i think i have done more for him than i ever thought possible, only because i love him more than i ever thought possible.
as we near the half year mark - i can’t believe he’ll be six months in two short months - i realize more and more how important it is to make use of every single day i have with him. this time is so precious and so fragile - it will be gone so soon! he won’t be my baby forever. it’s sad, but true. one day soon he’ll be a little boy…then a man!!
i was telling jerry yesterday to treat his mother as he would like jeremiah to treat me when he’s a man. i know it’s not the same situation, since they have never had a super-strong relationship, but still, it made him think. and it made ME think…wow, one day my baby boy will be MARRIED. and i sure hope he has a better wife than i am!
anyway i’m babbling now. the point is, i love him more than my own life, and i can’t believe how much. he’s my precious baby boy.
oh, did you notice jeremiah’s new walmart pics are up in his album? we got them taken yesterday. they are the best ones he’s gotten so far. i have such a handsome guy!

sorry i haven’t updated here in a while. it has been quite crazy around here!
things were really hard and unbelievable at first, and i didn’t know how i could manage. grampa was doing horribly, and i was home alone with him and jeremiah. but he seems to be doing better, and we are also getting help from the hospital’s hospice program.
it’s still not easy, but not as horrible and upsetting as i thought it would be.
grampa is truly a child of God now. we know it wasn’t a fluke, or just something done on a whim. we are so happy! i will be posting my mom’s account of it soon, since she was in the hospital room when it happened! we have all prayed for the moment for so long, it seemed unreal, and we were a bit disbelieving about it. it’s such a relief to know we will all see him in heaven one day, and soon he will join my grandma. thanks for all your prayers concerning his salvation!
i asked jerry to work on a few tweaking things to the photoalbum, and the blogs. hopefully soon, if you want updates, you will AUTOMATICALLY get updates! won’t that be nifty!?
speaking of updates, jeremiah’s blog was updated on friday, and i’m going over there next to post a little bit (maybe).
i really appreciate everyone’s prayers, concern, and also your patience and understanding with my lack of visits.
love love love!!

but we still got his other info:
he weighs 16lbs (75th %)
he is 25″ long (50th %)
and his head circumference is 16 3/8 in (45th %)
he is still doing great for development.
he can hold his head up GREAT, he has rolled over several times, he tries to sit up, he puts his hands together (looks like he’s praying), he reaches for and grasps things, he tracks us with his eyes (especially when someone he doesn’t know is holding him!), and he is slowly but surely getting a tooth LOL.

he still has some drainage in his ears, but they are the right color so we are going to wait to see if they improve. she gave me a script for donatussin for his congestion.

i’m so happy he’s doing better, and he’s doing so ‘normally’. LOL. i don’t care if he’s not a huge percentile above other babies - he’s doing perfectly for who he is. he is such a precious, adorable little boy. everyone who meets him smiles and gushes over him. he hears ‘oh you’re adorable’ or ‘you’re so cute’ ALL the time! and who can blame people? he IS adorable and cute, and sweet and smart. :loveeyes: i am so blessed to have him. jerry is right - he probably hears ‘i love you’ more than any other boy around. LOL. one thing i love to do is whisper ‘i love you’ in his ear. he’ll pull up his shoulders, and smile, sometimes also giggle. it’s so precious! jerry and i both love making up songs to sing to him…either real songs with fake words that always say ‘i love you’ in them, or ones we just make up as we stare into his beautiful, clear blue eyes.

Lord, thank You once again for my precious baby. i’m so thankful i can enjoy him even when i’m stressed and busy. he never fails to make me smile. i can’t believe how much i love him, or how much joy he brings on a daily basis. i am so grateful to You for answering my prayers with him!!!

i love my mi-mi,
i love my baby,
he’s so sweet,
he’s so cute,
i love my baby,
i love my mi-mi.
i love my boy
he’s such a joy….

my munchkin is four months old today.
how can time fly so fast??
jeremiah is not doing well. i don’t know if he’s totally over his ear infection, and on top of that, he has a bad cold. he’s all stuffy, and i’m sure his throat hurts like mine does, he has a cough. so his sleep is STILL really erratic.
on top of feeling badly, i’m pretty sure he’s feeling my strain and craziness right now. i think that’s affecting the poor guy’s sleep as well.
i don’t care what anyone says to me - i’m still going to nurse him when he needs it, rock him when he needs it and hold him when he needs it. schedules and parent-led parenting are not for me. before, i thought i would be sort of in-between, and i would still like to be in-between…and although i wouldn’t consider myself an attachment parenting mom, i still am closer to that than an ezzo-type parent. does this make sense with my lack of sleep, stressed out brain?
we had a family get-together here yesterday evening, and there will be pics up as soon as i get a chance to format them. also got a few cute ones today, despite his sickly mood. a GREAT cute one actually….in fact i might waste a bit of my sleep time to go work on some….
oh, only manda and jen have said they want to be notified of jeremiah’s pics…i’m actually thinking of password protecting his entire blog, my blog and our photo album, so if you’d like access to them, i’d like to know.
night night…

i don’t have the strength or energy to post more about the last post…but grampa is back home. and guess what? HE IS NOW A CHRISTIAN!!!!
i will update more later.

my baby boy is nearly 4 months old! ack!
he is growing cuter and cuter every day (how is it possible?).
i have been bad about posting when new pics are up *blush*. please let me know in the contact form (or comments) if you’d like me to email you when there are new pics up. there are a few new ones up right now. i have really gotten into making the collages! it just makes things easier when there are lots of picture of one event.
jeremiah is having a bit of problems with his sleeping patterns. he gets very upset when we try to put him down to sleep. argh! i hate to hear him cry, so we always pick him back up. i am SO tired!!
anyway, blessings & hugs…

i am trying to digest all of this about my grampa. i don’t know quite what words to use, because i don’t fully understand all that’s happening.
(first of all, he is still alive, so don’t read into things!)
as you remember, he went into the hospital with weakness as well as a very sore and useless left arm. that was last friday.
we found out he has a small lump of cancer in his left lung, as well as a few dots in his right lung, and perhaps in his lymphnodes between his lungs. we also discovered that at some point in the past month or so (guessing) he had a stroke that affected his left side.
now, a week later, he cannot walk, feed himself, and he is in depends. partly because of the hospital staff’s lack of care for him (and they are understaffed) partly because we believe he had a SECOND stroke that’s affecting his RIGHT side. we have been told his cancer is terminal, but if we want to treat it we can. but the stroke is more important to take care of right now.
it’s really strange, because the dr who should be concerned with the stroke is concerned with the cancer, and vice versa. we really are confused with the whole thing.
he is returning home tomorrow, and we have mixed emotions about it, if i’m going to be honest. i want him home with those who love him, i want him here to get better, i want him to see kc and remember we love him and he still has more to live for, i want him to realize his humanity and come to the Lord….but the selfish, human side of me knows how much strain him being home will be.
he can’t use a urinal on his own.
he can’t feed himself.
he can’t even get out of bed!
jerry is working a lot now, plus he’s getting a new job (praise!) but will be working both jobs for quite a while. he will be too afraid to work overtime for either job, because he already doesn’t want me to take on this huge responsibility. i mean, it was hard BEFORE when grampa could at least walk.
i just really need prayer. we really need prayer. grampa really needs prayer. i’m not even getting into the whole deal right now, because i’m way too tired….jeremiah is still not 100% so he’s having trouble with his sleep patterns…jerry is feeding him right now, but i am BEAT.
all for now…
love,

layer one
name: Jennifer Ann (jenn)
birth date: December 18, 1975
birthplace: Chattenooga, TN
current location: Indianapolis, IN
eye color: grey-blue-green
hair color: dark blonde
height: 5′1 1/2″
righty or lefty : righty
zodiac sign: sagittarius (don’t do this though)

layer two
your heritage: hmmmm native american, french, english, more!
the shoes you wore today: bare feet mostly, tennies when i went to wally-world
your weakness: chocolate
your fears: fire, being cut (dropped a knife once and sliced my thumb open), spiders
your perfect pizza: pepperoni, extra sauce


layer three
your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
your first waking thoughts: What time is Jeremiah waking me up today?
your best physical feature: my eyes
your most missed memory: close friendships at Grace

layer four
pepsi or coke: Pepsi
mcdonald’s or burger king: Hardee’s lol
single or group dates: single
adidas or nike: skechers
lipton ice tea or nestea: Arizona
cappuccino or coffee: tea

layer five
smoke: No, never, gross.
cuss: Only when I am really mad, and never in front of Jeremiah, and I am NOT proud of it…
sing: They say beautifully.
do you think you’ve been in love: I still am.
want to go to college: I’ve been. Don’t miss the school, but miss the people.
liked high school: some of it
want to get married: I am.
believe in yourself: Not all the time
get motion sickness: Usually, unless I have a window seat.
think you’re attractive: Not really
think you’re a health freak: Not even close!
get along with your parents: almost all of the time.
like thunderstorms: yeah, unless I’m alone!
play an instrument: Does Mary Had a Little Lamb on the piano count?

layer six
in the past month…
drank alcohol: no (never)
smoked: no (never)
done a drug: no (besides prescriptions, never)
made out: yes
gone on a date: no
gone to the mall: no, not this month
eaten an entire box of oreos: no, half of one!
eaten sushi: no (never)
been on stage: In church
been dumped: no
gone skating: no
made homemade cookies: no
gone skinny dipping: no
dyed your hair: no
stolen anything: no
you sound boring: LOL if you think being a stay-at-home mom is boring, you’ve never tried it!!

layer seven
ever…
played a game that required removal of clothing: no

if so, was it mixed company: n/a
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yno
been caught “doing something”: no
been called a tease: no
gotten beaten up: punched in the eye by a younger guy!
shoplifted: umm.. yes, and regretted it ever since
changed who you were to fit in: regretfully, yes at times

layer eight
age you hope to be married: got married at 22
numbers and names of children: one beautiful son, Jeremiah Thomas
describe your dream wedding: I did have a dream wedding.
how do you want to die: Actually, I’d like to be alive during the Rapture.
where you want to go to college: n/a
what do you want to be when you grow up: What I am - a SAHWAM (stayathomewifeandmother)
what country would you most like to visit: Ireland

layer nine
number of drugs taken illegally: none
number of people i could trust with my life: 5
number of cds that i own: tons
number of piercings: 0
number of tattoos: none, but would like one someday
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: hmmm big articles : 2
number of scars on my body: a lot - I am the kind of gal who itched all her scabs off!
number of things in my past that i regret: oh come now.

jeremiah tasted his first cereal today! and the boy LOVED it! we figured since his dr said we could add a bit of cereal to his formula, and since he has been STARING at us when we eat (mouth open, moving his mouth, and practically drooling) we figured he was ready to at least try it. on top of that, he’s been taking his medicine so well, i thought his tounge might be ready for a spoon.
it was really cute, and i wish i’d videoed it! he was so excited to get something besides a bottle in his mouth, he kept pulling the spoon towards himself and got it all over! lol! see the photo album for a few pics of cereal eating!!!
what a sweet, wonderful little boy i have. :lovey:

my grampa is still in the hospital. he went in on friday just to get checked out because of weakness and arm pain.
they found out that he had a small stroke recently.
also, they checked on his supposed pnemonia in his left lung (that seems to not go away) and it was a tumor! they are doing a biopsy to find out if it is a benign or malignant tumor.
please keep him in your prayers. my cousin is coming with her little family from washington this week, and one of the reasons she was coming was to visit grampa.
thanks!