i had an interesting weekend. my mom, sister, sister-in-law and cousin went to my cousin’s church for the mother-daughter banquet. on the way there, mom stopped for gas, and since i was hungry and didn’t know what would be served (i’m a bit on the picky side) i bought some crackers and spinache dip. my sister and i ate some on the way there, then i took it in with me, since there was no cooler or anything in the car. we were the first at the table, so i just set it up on the table. my family started eating it, no biggie. then the other people came. first, let me explain that my cousin is really my adopted cousin - she is from the philipines. my aunt married my uncle, who is filipino, and my cousin is really my uncles niece, but his sister (her mom) died when she was about 11 or so, and my aunt and uncle adopted her. got it? anyway, the lady who sat next to me just started right in with, ‘who are these people?’ and my cousin told her, and she said, ‘your family? nooooo’ like there is no way LOL. if she knew the story she’d get it, but i don’t know if she did, and no one was going to get into it then. anyway, then she looked down and saw my crackers and dip. she asked what it was, i told her, then she began to pass it to everyone at the other end of the table. LOLLLLLLLLLl. my sil was laughing so hard (she was already in a giggly mood). she couldn’t stop laughing off and on about it all night. it was pretty funny. then after we ate we had a nice time hearing stories and testimonies and songs from some sisters my mom had grown up with. then after, while mom was getting reaquainted with people, i bought the second to last cd to surprise her with on mother’s day (of course i gave it to her the next day because i’m so bad with surprises!!!! what will i do for my children’s birthdays? argh!). then i spent the night at mom’s because it was too late to drive (it had been the plan to spend the night). my sister let me sleep on her bed. i barely slept a wink. i had drank too much lemonade and tea at the banquet so i was up all night! i was so annoyed with myself. then went to church as normal, went home with mom and dad, and then came home after lunch. i just told the whole thing because it wasn’t a normal weekend. i didn’t just stay online the whole time and do nothing. hehe.
hope all are well. btw i posted at precious dreams two or three days in a row and no one knew. sorry.
jenn

is there something in everyone else’s water that i’m not getting? people are popping up pregnant all over. i am of course happy for them, but sad for me.
i haven’t seen anyone around this site or my other site in quite some time. i wonder what the deal is. well, i’m not going to write anymore today because i feel gloomy and i don’t want gloomy posts!!!!
love and blessings,
jenn

so where is everybody? i haven’t seen anyone stop by in a while.
i wanted to send out a request again to all my Christian friends to sign up to join my FaithfulFamily site (non-Christian friends are also invited, but keep in mind the site is mostly Christian in nature, so don’t be offended, although there is lots of general family/parenting stuff on there too that can benefit any mom or dad!). please join at FaithfulFamily.net. it’s a simple, painless process that doesn’t take long at all. thanks so much to the ladies who HAVE joined already: brandy, mary beth, cara lynn, nancze, jen m, and jenni h. i love you guys!!!
i am trying to get as many members on here as possible so i can send out the very first monthly newsletter!!!!!! i know, you get all sorts of newsletters already, but this will be fun, i promise!!!!!
love and hugs to you all, and i hope to find you’ve joined soon!
jenn

hello. a fellow infertility struggler manda linked to this on her site. i feel i should do the same. what not to say to an infertile couple. even if you think you’re being kind and sensitive, some things come out wrong, or are at least received wrong!!!!!!!
i found out the pregnant woman who works in the infant room (next door to me in the toddler room) tried a whole year before she got pregnant. wow. i never knew. i just thought it just happened. sometimes i get so caught up in myself i forget that i’m not the only one who has the problem of infertility.
manda also had a few questions that i’d like to answer - replying to people’s insensitive (or just plain ignorant) comments.

1. “I wouldn’t give up my twenties for ANYTHING. I can’t believe you are stressing about infertility at 25 (a few years ago)! What if God wants you to wait until you are twenty-eight?”

first of all, i have always wanted to be a mother. i wanted to begin my family when we first got married. for a while after we COULDN’t get pregnant, i thought God was punishing us for not trusting in Him to plan our family. i have since reconciled this. anyway, children are blessings from the Lord. why would i not want to be blessed????

2. “Be glad you don’t have kids right now. Kids can be such MONSTERS.” or “You’ll never want kids again, after watching mine.” or this is what i get all the time: “You can have my kids if you want some so badly.”

as if kids are always perfect, and i should expect perfection. no, kids are humans, just like us. and NO i don’t want YOUR child, i want MY child, from an infant, to love and teach as i want him to be raised!

3. “If you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant right away.”

that is NOT how infertility works!!!! trying too hard causes stress, which can’t help, but it won’t change infertility. infertility is just like cancer or a sickness - it has to be treated, not ignored!!

—–

well enough of that for now. i need to be going.
God’s blessings unto you,
jenn

hello, all! long time, once again! (well really just two days LOL:) i am alive and well…my period is almost over, so emotions are settling and cramps are going away slowly but surely.
as for work, despite the fact the new girl keeps calling off….i still get to be in the toddler room!! yay!!!!! i have been in there since monday, from ten to four-thirty. it is going really well. the toddlers are lovable, adorable, cuddly and fun. i don’t think the am teacher talks with and plays enough with them, so they are totally desperate for my affection when i come in. they are already trying to say my name LOL it comes out really funny but oh so adorable!!!! these are the cutest kids in the world. out of three kids, can you believe i have two redheads - not related to each other?!!?!?!?! i thought redheads were pretty rare. anyway, they are the cutest of all cutes. i have to admit, the little boy is the most precious of all children…i have always wanted a little boy, and this one is just like i would want my son to be. he’s sweet, affectionate, fun, intelligent and adorable. i’m trying to get the room situated as i want, but it’s really hard with the toddler tornados! LOL as soon as i get something in the right place, they’ve got it out again. hehehe. rearranging rooms is fun though. i think i need lots of new toys though - see, the toddler room was nonexistant in the center up until two months ago, when we got these three kids from another center. the previous teachers haven’t cared one whit about the room, so it’s been mismatched and messed up the entire time, so i’ve got my work cut out for me, but i’m up for it. i actually enjoy it - especially the finished product. i’m having fun making the book corner - i call it the comfy cozy book nook! i put a nice soft mat down, there’s a rocking chair, and i’m going to add some pillows. they love to read over there now, whereas before, the bookshelf was just a place to take things off of and throw around. (i don’t think the other teachers ever read to them either!!!!!!!!! which is criminal in my mind. this age is one of the best times for learning, forming synapsis in the brain, and emergent reading is very important.)
well enough about my class. i need to be off to bed. love, hugs and prayers to you all!
oh i almost forgot - holly sent me the CUTEST adoptions!!!!!!!!!!!!! she is a lamb lover like me thanks holly!!!!!!!!!!!

blessings,
jenn

well i have a new song up again it’s for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - the Lamb of God. this will be up until after Easter if you are interested in hearing the song that brings so many tears, let me know!!!!!!!!!!!! (click here)
God bless and i love you all!!! ps i’m not pregnant. wah!!!!!!!
jenn

first of all, i’m SO sorry!!! my internet is being a pain, so i wrote this out yesterday while it wasn’t working, and am hurrying to get it up now before the net goes out again!!!!!!!!!!
well, my period started last night (sun night). and it’s not a fun one (they never are though). i have heavy bleeding, majorly bad cramping, i feel like i’m on downers and i also feel sick to my stomach. i am soooooooooooooooooooooo sad. i know i wasn’t supposed to get my hopes up, but i really did. i can never help it really.
right now i’m typing this in the am before work on editpad, since our internet keeps refusing to work off and on these days. someone is coming tomorrow to fix it. jerry is wondering if someone next door tapped into our cable wires or something (we use a cable modem). because before this last week we don’t remember having THIS many problems ever.
i talked with some friends from church yesterday who have been ttc about a year. they are in the beginning stages of finding out about infertility. they are going this thursday to their regular doctor to see if he will recommend a specialist to them. you know how drs are though - they make you think it’s no big deal and you have plenty of time. i told them to be insistent about it! they said they will. but anyway, the hubby was asking me why my doctors never got my cycle regular. i said i don’t know, they didn’t seem concerned with that aspect. he said two people he knows going to infertility specialists said the very first thing they did was get their cycles regular, and he assumes that’s what they’ll do with flor (his wife). i was a little annoyed thinking that my doctors were so dumb as not to think of this. i mean, my cycle is all over the place, you never know when i’m going to start, but he has been giving me fertility drugs on the days that NORMAL women with NORMAL cycles would benefit from the drugs. see my problem here? even before this i was thinking of switching drs because he has so many patients he has no personal stake in our conceiving. as i’ve mentioned, i’d like to have a Christian r.e. and there’s supposed to be one around here, but i don’t know where. now i’m more convinced than ever that i need to find someone new. please pray about this too, as you mention me in your prayers.
i really appreciate all the prayers from everyone. it means so much to me to know you are thinking of me, jerry and our future children. i love you guys!!! i wish i could give everyone a big hug!!!
love and blessings,
jenn

well, nothing yet - i took a pregnancy test this morning and again it was negative. but still no period. this is now day 47 - what’s going on? i’m starting to feel as though i might start my period now though, because my moods are going whacko. i keep thinking i’m having cramping feelings too, but they turn out to be gas. i very rarely get gas so i don’t know what’s up with that. haven’t been eating differently or anything. maybe i’m just getting old.
i just wanted to update that. i SO wanted to have it be positive!!!!!!!! i wanted to call jerry at work and tell him the good news, then take a gift to my mom that i have been saving JUST for this moment (this is why i take preg tests on sunday, so i can take the gift to her at church when it ever turns out being positive LOL) - it’s a little book about grandma’s memories to her grandchild…like a journal of her life to pass along.
please keep praying for me. oh, if you came from jenn’s journey you’ll know what i’m talking about already, but if you didn’t, please go over there and listen to the new song!!!!!!!!!! it gave me so much comfort!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i KNOW so many are praying for me, and it just makes my heart feel so wonderful!!!! it also reminds me that God DOES STILL PERFORM MIRACLES TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! praise His name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love and blessings,
jenn

ok i want to warn you that the new song playing on here will make you CRY but it’s a GOOD CRY!!!! please click the link on the bottom that says click here LOL - for some reason the onclick script won’t work with this song - ? please listen all the way through!!!! i first heard it yesterday on my way home from a learning workshop, and i was BAWLING my eyes out. after the computer stopped being bad (my internet went out) i found out the artist is Allen Asbury. i looked it up this morning and found the song for you to hear. i hope you’re as blessed as i am to hear it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i’m heading over to
now….follow me over!
love and hugs
jenn

well i don’t want to get my hopes up but things are strange again. i have no feeling that i’m going to start my period. i didn’t have a period all march, and the cycle is now 44 days long. my breasts are bigger, hurting REALLY bad, my nipples keep hardening and hurting like crazy, and um, leaking a bit, i am STARVING and have a huge appetite, my dreams are strange, i’ve been sleeping more soundly than usual (don’t know what that could mean), i’ve been peeing like crazy, and i’ve been mostly in a happy go lucky mood, except for every now and then when my nerves feel on edge, then i lose it. am i crazy, am i imagining this, or is something going on??? please pray for me!!! i bought two more pregnancy tests (the one i took sunday morning was negative) and want to wait it out a bit more. my periods are highly unpredictable and i don’t want to upset myself into an excited frenzy over nothing. plus with all the fertility meds i’ve been taking, you never know what’s been going on with my body. so pray pray pray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pray for the miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please God please!!!!!!!!
love and blessings,
jenn