well i started my period in the middle of the night. i had a really really rough morning - feeling sick to my stomach, bad cramps, etc. hopefully it will be easier tomorrow. i also am really hoping i’ll get paid tomorrow!!!
well i am not doing my own this or that tuesday because i wouldn’t feel right about it. but i am going to do my own thing!! i’m calling it ‘just wondering wednesday’ hehe. i can ask as many questions as are on my mind for any particular wednesday. if you want to follow suit and answer whatever i ask myself, feel free! hehe!
yesterday’s questions (yes i know i’m a day late LOL):
what type of music do you listen to? i listen to all kinds of Christian music. my favorites are praise/worship and contemporary Christian. i also love lullabies.
about how many albums (discs or cassettes) do you own? jerry and i own about 300 or more cds. we own a few cassettes here and there too, but rarely listen to them. especially now that we can copy tapes and place them onto cds!
what music do you sing in church? we sing hymns and praise/worship songs. there isn’t enough of a balance in my opinion though (it seems the hymns we do are obscure ones that no one knows!). for solos i sing contemporary songs usually.

well i need to do a few reads then head to bed now. i hope everyone is well. don’t forget to visit precious dreams and leave me a comment if you read it

oh my goodness, i was at jana’s site and read that mr rogers died. i didn’t know!!!!!!! i read it and just started bawling! i can’t believe it!!! somehow i didn’t even know he had cancer. if i knew, i forgot about it. i am just in shock. he was like an uncle i saw every day as a child. i still like watching his reruns every now and then because he has such a calming voice. his love for children, and his love for God was just such a comfort to me always. i am just glad to know that he is in heaven. i’m also glad that so many other future generations will be able to see his show on reruns. i want to get his episodes on dvd sometime if possible so my kids will be able to watch him. oh i’m just so sad. i wish i could give his wife and family a hug. please pray for them with me. even knowing he’s in heaven, it’s still SO hard.
signing off again…
love and hugs to you!!!
jenn

i was visiting my friend lisa’s site and found a simple question. i thought i would tackle it myself.
Why do you want a baby?
i have always wanted to be a mother. being an oldest child, a big sister for my little brothers and sister, made me into mommy’s little helper. i always wanted to take care of younger children, from the church nursery to babysitting for mom. i always wanted to be a mommy and a teacher - those were the only two things i ever wanted to do.
i guess you could just say that i LOVE kids. i always imagined myself surrounded by five or six children of my own. i’m a natural nurturer. i love teaching, and loving. i love giving children hugs and kisses. i love seeing their eyes light up when they learn something new, and i love to see their smiles when they are happy. i love singing songs with and to them, rocking them and holding them close. i love how they get so excited to see me come into a room. i love to tell them ‘i love you’ and i love to hear them say ‘i love you’ to me.
i would love to have a baby, born from jerry’s and my true love for each other, growing inside my belly. to know that our bond of love formed a precious little miracle would bring me such joy. i want to see my husband’s face when i say ‘i’m pregnant!!’. i want him to swing me around in happiness. i want to give my mom the grandmother memory book i bought for her over a year ago and tell her ’surprise, gramma!!!!!!’ i want to tell my dad he’s going to be a grampa and i want to tell my brothers they will be uncles soon. i want to tell my sister she gets to be called aunt nellie soon.
i want to feel a baby grow inside of me, but it’s having a child to love and hold to call my own that is really my heart’s desire. i’ve always wanted to adopt a child, even when jerry and i had no idea we had infertility problems. i often wonder if God had prepared our hearts years in advance. knowing that both of us have worked with special needs kids and adults makes me wonder if the Lord has something really big in mind for us. i think both of us would be willing to adopt a special needs infant, because they need love as much as anyone else, perhaps even more!
i want to see a loving little face look at me, smile, and say, ‘i love you mama!’. i want to teach my OWN child how to speak, walk, sing, dance, live life to the fullest. i want to teach a child of my own to love Jesus and God. i want to take him/her to church to learn of all He’s done for us. i want to pass on the blessings of life to them. i want to teach my little boy how to be a godly man like his papa. i want to teach my little girl how to be a godly woman like her mama tries to be.
i want a baby to hold, sing to, hug, and love.
well, i don’t know if this has adequately answered the question. but it’s all i could do for now.
love and blessings.

well i went to find today’s this or that and stumbled upon something that i almost wish i hadn’t seen. but i did see it so now i must share. i will no longer be participating in this or that tuesday. why? because the owner supports abortion. she links to pro-abortion websites. i cannot in good conscience participate in it. of course i won’t think anything bad of anyone else who still participates. just for myself i cannot do it. i hate abortion, and the thought of all those millions of unborn being slaughtered just breaks my heart. i would take any one of the children in a split second. life is precious.
well so now what should i use instead? anyone know?
i posted at precious dreams today.
i guess that’s it for now. i need to go make supper (i’m not doing the menu again since we need to go shopping….we’re just having spaghetti…) and jerry wants on the computer anyway.
love and hugs!
jenn

well, it’s FEMARA. for some reason i got the f confused with a ph LOL.
anyway no real news. i just wanted to comment about that. if anyone finds any info that would be helpful to me about femara, lemme know!
also, i put a song up! i thought it was appropriate for this site i may change it sometime, but for now it is perfect.
little baby to be, i LOVE you so!! i’m praying for you to come to be soon!

love, hugs and blessings!

hello friends. i wanted to let you know I AM ALIVE. i’m still working hard, but i’m liking it much better now. it’s really tough! i am really tired when i get home. but i’m getting the hang of it. i will be used to it after awhile. the problem is that jerry and i fight over the computer. we really need to work this out: how much time i spend on it, how much time he spends on it, and how much time neither of us spends on it. because it’s getting pretty hairy around here. we hardly spend time together now.
so when i do my reads, i spread them out over hours or days, so please don’t hate me for it. i also am only going to be journaling about every other day. it was already a semi daily journal, so now it may be even more infrequent. i hope no one hates me for it!! please keep praying for me and the job and also about getting pregnant. as soon as i start my period i’ll be put on the new drug! yay!

love and hugs!
jenn

i noticed that many people are been posting their love stories. well, i already have mine up, on the main site area of gigowski’s garden. click here then click on the sidebar where it says Our Lovestory.

just wanted to tell ya!
jenn

you know it’s been a long time since you’ve posted when your name doesn’t show up on sign in page of greymatter!
i am so sorry i’ve been away so long. this week has been CRAZY!!! wednesday i worked a little later and was just too tired to get on, or to fight with jerry over the computer - he wants to use it all the time too. i can’t begrudge him that, because he’s been working on faithfulfamily for me some thursday, as soon as we came home, we had to go shopping. we didn’t get home until 830!!!! i ate and went to bed. you remember the cd by steven curtis chapman i said i was going to hint at? well, i hinted and hinted and hinted. no success. so at the store that night i said, do you just want me to tell you what i want?? and he said yes, i told him, and he went to get it! LOL. yesterday (happy valentine’s day everyone and thank you SOOOOO much for your v-cards! i was able to get off work early, since i’d had this appointment with the fertility dr for over a month, i couldn’t cancel it. (btw i posted in precious dreams about my visit!!!) then almost immediately after that, i’d scheduled a physical with my dr, so that got me off from work the rest of the day! yay! so after that, jerry and i went to ponderosa (after coming home and asking grampa if he’d like to go with us. he said no. he hates going out in the cold.) after we ate at ponderosa, and after a little fight (nothing serious), we went to a movie. we saw daredevil. it was good but don’t take your kids. there’s a scene that was entirely inappropriate. i love hearing jerry complain about things like that, after he sees little kids in a theatre with a movie that is inappropriate for kids. i just know he’ll be such a great papa!! after the movie we headed home and i asked grampa what he wanted to eat, and made it for him, then crashed on the couch, listened to my new cd, which i will be featuring on this site, and watched the abc family movie ‘the one’.
now that everyone is bored out of their minds i figure i should go. i have neglected the housework all week (though jerry has done it a few times) and i need to get lots of things done. even though i feel horrible!!
love and hugs! don’t forget to read precious dreams!
jenn

well i went to the fertility specialist yesterday. it was a kind of nice valentine’s gift! i found out i don’t have to take the injections yet! this is very exciting, because i would rather try anything else first if it’s available. instead, i’m to get my blood sugar tested again to see if the actos (insulin resistance med) is working right. since i’m not losing any more weight, i doubt it is working! so if i need that upped, i will get it upped, probably to 30mg a day instead of 15mg a day. THEN i’m going to be put on a new drug that is used for breast cancer patients. it starts with a p but i can’t remember what it’s called. i was thinking it was pheneran or phenergan, but all the searches i did on those came up as an anti-nausea medicine - ? anyway, it blocks estrogen, and so far it has worked well in women to conceive!!!! it is not known to cause multiples (though i was really hoping for twins!! boy/girl!!) PLUS, no side effects (like evil jenn with clomid) AND my insurance should cover it!!! YAY!
and lastly, if that doesn’t work, which i hope hope hope it does, i will be taking an experimental injection, for free, since they are doing a study on it. i don’t know too much about it yet, but jerry and i both jumped at the word free. as long as there are no known side effects for that one, i am all for it.
well that’s pretty much all the news i have. i’m still pretty hopeful!!
love, hugs and blessings!

i do not remember being so exhausted in a long time. totally, like my body feels like it’s out of service. i’m sorry i haven’t been visiting people lately, but i’m sooo tired, and jerry and i have the same hours, so he wants to use the computer at the same time i do. he’s in the shower right now so i’m sneaking on.
please know i still love you and will try to visit you soon!!
i was in the room alone today and OH MY it was hard. one little girl is new, so she kept crying unless i held her in the rocking chair, and of course, there is NO time for that. they have all these schedule rules! you have to change the kids every two hours, or have the pottying kids go potty every hour, you have to have lunch cleaned up before you have nap, you have to sweep, mop, do an extra cleaning chore, oh my i could go on and on. i am just SO tired!!!!! i really hardly have a minute to spend time with the kids, unless it’s during potty/changing time! tomorrow i’ll be alone again, so pray for me to have strength. i know once i get into the routine of it, it will be easier. anybody have any suggestions for getting young twos to clean up? the normal ‘clean up’ songs aren’t working for me. i know there is still time for them to get into it - no one has been trying to get them to clean up. one in particular, who’s not yet two, loves to get toys out - throw them around - and laugh about it. i’m really working on him…
i am having fun but really i don’t get paid enough for how much work is involved. it is really crazy. and i’m trying not to, but again, i just keep thinking, but i want MY OWN KIDS!!!!!
well i’m going to try to visit people while my wonderful BELOVED husband is making dinner!!! yes, he cleaned the house and is now making dinner for us!!!!!!! what a wonderful catch i have! :) forget valentine’s day - he is always good to me
this or that tuesday
1. Bacon or sausage? i like both, but sausage better
2. Eggs: scrambled or not? scrambled with cheese mixed in
3. French toast or regular toast? either
4. Pancakes or waffles? pancakes
5. Muffins or bagels? both - depends on my mood
7. Juice: orange or grapefruit? neither. i like grape!!
8. Hot or cold cereal? Depends on the time of year
9. To put in cereal: bananas or strawberries (or some other fruit)? i like both, also blueberries
10. Eat breakfast at home or at a restaurant? home, unless it’s a special occasion or something.

God’s blessings, love and hugs,
jenn

hi! notice i have a NEW song playing!! don’t worry if you loved the others, i’m now making a ‘featured songs page’ so you can listen to any song you love i always have the lyrics too.

well my thumb is almost completely healed! the old skin has peeled, and it’s all pink and new now hehe. it still hurts a tiny bit but it’s mostly ok.

ok, today you won’t believe what that girl told me. i don’t know who has worked in childcare/preschool before, but it is a state board of health regulation for teachers to spray the changing table with bleach solution and wipe it with paper towels after every diaper changing. of course, after all my years, i knew this. well, the girl tells me, don’t do that, it’s a waste of time, just spray it at the end when you’re done with all the kids. HELLOOOOOO no way!!! i didn’t say anything, but i mentioned it to the assistant director when she asked me how things with this lady were going. she told me that it was her fault the last lady left - that this girl scared her off!!!! i told her she is bossy and irritating but i think she means well. i just can hardly wait to get her out of my room!! the assistant director understood and kind of agreed with me. so at least i know it’s not all in my head!!!!! lol!!!

well i am SO tired but getting the hang of it now. oh, i’m not working 630 anymore - starting tomorrow i’ll be working from 7-4. an extra half hour of sleep! YAY!

the kids are SOOOOO precious and fun!! one girl likes to give kisses and hugs after she’s been reprimanded! LOL - i keep having to turn my face so she’ll get my cheek because she wants to do a lip kiss!! she’s so adorable. she says, i LOVE you jenn! hehe! these kids are so desparate for affection. i know i’m affectionate so it’s easier for kids to feel comfortable around me and love me, but they just really need love. it’s so sad!!

this is off the work subject, but a week ago, i went into my old childcare job to get something and also say hi, and i went into my ‘kids’ room - they were in the twos when i had them so they’re now in the threes - i gave them all hugs and lovins and then i had to say good bye. and one of them, an adorable little girl who LOVED me to death when i worked there, said, ‘i love you too’ LOL. i hadn’t said i love you, but she’s so used to saying a response to i love you, that she just said i love you too out of habit. it was so adorable!!!

well anyways i need to get going. i am making some cds for work tomorrow.

love and hugs!!!!
God bless!
jenn