hi! before i start my real entry, i just have a quick poll for you (just leave a message on the winter hugs): is your tree still up?

mine is still up, and i don’t really know when we’ll take it down. it’s the first real one i’ve ever had and it still looks so pretty! oh, click here to see it - i forgot to post it along with the other pics. which i’m glad everyone enjoyed. i sent everyone some snow, and now ours is all melting! hehe! anyway, the tree isn’t dying or anything yet, so i think i’m going to leave it up until the needles start to fall off. good idea or no?

i wanted to challenge you with something my pastor challenged us with yesterday: on new year’s eve, five to ten minutes before the clock strikes, sit down and pray with your spouse into the new year. he says he and his wife have done this for the past few years and it has been amazing. i suggest praying for all sorts of things; our country, our world, our govt. officials, our marriages, our soldiers, our children, our plans and dreams, our families, our jobs, etc, and also of course thanking the Lord for what He has given us and the love He has shown us in the previous (however many) years we’ve already shared together.

ok, i have a personal kind of icky question, but most of you are used to my openness and honesty by now! hehe! for about a week and a half (or more) i have been waking up with an upset stomach. i thought i wasn’t getting enough sleep. now for the past two days, on top of that, my breasts have grown or swollen, i don’t know which one, my nipples are SOOO sore and both entire breasts are majorly sensitive. and i am having little sharp pains in my uterus area. i always have major mood swings the week before, during and after my period (yes, i know, you’re thinking, her poor hubby! lol) and i’ve had mood swings this past week, so i was thinking period is coming soon i suppose, but there have been more tears than anything else this time. crying at the drop of the hat, especially commercials or shows about children. i saw that one the other day, made by united nations no less, about aids, with all those innocent children walking around crying with no one to take care of them. my goodness, jerry was going on about the liberal nonsense while i was fighting back tears, wanting just to bring them all home, even if they were only actors!!! LOL! i dont’ know if all this is an after effect of the clomid or what, but i’m really hoping and praying i didn’t get pregnant and this is the beginning of a miscarriage. i don’t know how i could bear it. but i tell you, when i am going to start my period there is always a totally different feeling, and i never have these kinds of problems with my breasts. i am due to start it any day now. i’m sure i’ll start today or tomorrow, but i just pray it’s not a miscarriage. if i don’t start by new year’s morning or the day after (i can’t decide) i’m taking a pregnancy test. that is always the fastest way to bring on a period, as we’ve agreed, huh, autumn?

so will everyone please pray for me that this is not a miscarriage?! i honestly have to say i would rather not get pregnant in the first place than get pregnant and lose the baby - no matter how early into the pregnancy it is. i am not that strong. if i’m not pregnant, i just want to start my period so i can get on the new round of clomid and get it over with!

yesterday my friend who has a one year old and is pregnant again (the one who mentioned she might use jeremiah’s name) came to our church’s pitch-in because i invited her. we have not mentioned the name thing again, and i’m afraid to bring it up only to hear the same thing and get all mad again. sigh. but i got to play with mary (she’s actually 17 mos). she’s fun. it was so cute at how she’s trying to be a grownup - her mom still feeds her by holding her on her lap (don’t ask me why!) so mary wanted me to hold her and she began feeding ME! lol! it was soooo cute!! then there is another baby who is only about 6 or 7 months and her mom let me hold her - she is the most precious thing! she is one half filipino and has the darkest hair and eyes and the sweetest disposition! she kept smiling at me and putting her head back down in a bashful way, it was soooo adorable! her mom kind of annoyed me because she asked me how old i was and i told her 27, and she said i don’t look that old, and she asked if i was married, and i said yes, and jerry walked up, and i introduced him, and said we’d been married for four years. she asked if we had any kids, and i said, no, we are the couple the pastor always prays about, jenn and jerry, to have a child. and she said oh, you must be trying too hard. we only got pregnant when we didn’t try.

i am sorry but the next person who tells me i’ll get pregnant as soon as i stop trying so hard will get a slap in the face! how can people be so insensitive?! even if it were possible to STOP TRYING or STOP WANTING it, it wouldn’t take my infertility away, right? so why do they say it?!

oh, i wanted to share with you my cousin’s baby zuri. now, my cousin is half filipino, so her baby is a fourth filipino, right? i was so shocked at this picture because it looks just like a magazine or book picture! they have a good camera and zuri is very photogenic! click here. if it’s not working you’ll need to give me a minute - my scanner is being a pain, but i wanted to go ahead and enter this entry before i restart the computer.

well i know i have had a tons to say today LOL i just needed someone to talk to i guess. i think this will end up being my longest post ever of my own personal words!!! i also have a poem that may turn into a song that i wrote saturday night. it’s a bit depressing though. :*(

empty

in my house, there’s an empty room with a bassinette, crib and clothes
i pray a baby will live there soon, when it will be no one knows

longing, my heart is longing for my precious baby’s face
empty, my arms are empty, no little child in my embrace

in my belly there’s an empty womb with eggs that refuse to mature
it wants a child to comfort and warm…to be barren forever i could not endure

longing, my heart is longing for my precious baby’s face
empty, my arms are empty, no little child in my embrace

in my heart there’s an empty tomb, a hole that cannot be filled
each passing month the calendar looms…the speeding clock will not be stilled

longing, my heart is longing for my precious baby’s face
empty, my arms are empty, no little child in my embrace

by jennifer ann gigowski

hi! just wanted to post a few pics! all courtesy of my new camera! just click on each small pic to see the full size pic!

nifty, eh?

love ya!

well what do you think about the new layout? i found this adorable tube and had to use it!

i just wanted to leave a quick message to say i hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! i had a wonderful time with my family on Christmas eve and Christmas day! and i was SOOO proud of KC when the family came over here - he only had a problem in the beginning, and after that he did great! yay!

who was it that ordered the snow? we got TONS! thankfully i haven’t heard of any accidents, and all my family is safe and sound it looks SOOO lovely though - i will have to take pictures to show you!

speaking of pictures, i received a bunch of wonderful gifts (including a digital camera!) and everyone liked the gifts i gave them except most of the clothes given and received don’t fit LOL but can be exchanged easily.

God bless you!

hello, all! i just wanted to wish everyone a merry CHRISTmas and sing a round of happy birthday to our Lord and Savior! i know Christmas isn’t His real birthday - we don’t really know when it is - but it’s the time we celebrate it, so it’s fun to make it special for Him!

happy birthday to YOU, happy birthday to YOU, happy birthday dear Jesus, happy birthday to YOU!

have a wonderful, blessed Christmas! i will be back before new year’s i’m sure.

God bless you and yours and try to keep the day peaceful - don’t get stressed out!

love ya,

well it’s been forever since i’ve used a blog help, or ‘meme’ as they are called for some unknown reason. but since the saturday eight was all about celebrating Jesus’ birthday, i couldn’t resist!

1. Based on your own belief and faith: Who is Jesus?

   Jesus is God and He is the Son of God. He is Christ, the Messiah, the Saviour of the earth. He is my Lord and Saviour and King of my heart.

2. When was the first time you heard about That Name?

   oh i’d heard of Him since before birth! i knew that Jesus loved me even then. (yes, i’m very intuative

3. If your first language is not English, or if you knew other language than English: How do you spell and pronounce “Jesus”?

   n/a though i’ve heard it pronounced ‘Hay - soos’

4. What is His best physical feature, based on the pictures you see?

   we do not have an accurate physical picture of Jesus, so this is n/a. besides that, looks matter squat anyhow for anyone, let alone God!

5. If Jesus still lived on earth today, what do you think He might be wearing?

   probably something His mother made Him.

6. Do you believe in Angels? Explain.

   yes i do, but not as most believe them to be. i know there are some that have wings, but not all, and some have six wings! i don’t believe they are male or female. they are not humans who died and became angels. they are a totally separate species than humans, but they take human form when they want to be visible. i believe we have guardian angels that the Lord gives us to help protect us. we are NOT to pray to angels. we are NOT to worship angels.

7. What is your religion? Do you practice it?

   my FAITH is Christianity. and i LIVE it.

8. If you had a chance to have a dinner with God - just you and God - what is the main personal thing you want to ask from Him? What would be the first question you might ask Him?

   i would ask Him what He’s trying to teach me with this infertility thing. i would ask Him why He ever let sin come into the picture. and i would tell Him how much i love Him and am thankful for His love and everything He’s done for me.

guess what? we got a REAL TREE! yay! growing up and even since we’ve been married, i’ve never had a real Christmas tree! and i HATE the fake ones. i would much rather smell the fresh pine, even if it’s a little pain to go get one. we got a cute little one to put on top of a table and it looks so cute! if i had a working camera at the moment i would take a picture. :/ anyway, i’m very thankful to have it!

jerry gave me my big CHristmas present early - the roxio cd recorder! it is great. except after i burned a cd with mp3s of Christmas songs, we realized none of our cd players are mp3 capable. BUMMER! only the computer can play it hehe. serves me right for not checking first, right? oh well. one day we’ll be able to play it - maybe next Christmas! hehe.

well i need to do some blog hoppin. please continue to pray for me. not only am i longing for a child even more (Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, and you can’t help thinking of babies), i am missing my grandma a lot. this is her house, and putting up her Christmas ornaments is killing me! she always loved Christmas and made it so special. :*( i know she is going to be celebrating Christmas with Jesus Himself - it’s me and my family i feel sad about. we just miss her so much!

sigh.

oh, don’t forget to check out my more than 100 things about me page. i went a bit overboard, but i had fun. i still haven’t added all the strange stuff about me. i never knew i was interesting before. maybe it just interests me anyhow LOL.

love ya’ll

well i am not feeling well - but i’m nowhere near as sick as jerry was, thank the Lord. i’m still hoping i don’t get it full-blown.

just wanted to let everyone know i broke down and did the 100 things about me. ONLY it turned into 350 things! i think i’ll be adding things from time to time too LOL.

God bless and continue to pray for me, my heart and my eggs!

love you!

well today is my 27th birthday and guess what i think my husband is giving me?

the flu! he came home with a horrible virus that’s going around his nursing home yesterday - he was up all night getting sick both ways. i prayed for him last night, saying to the Lord that i know i wanted him to be with me on my birthday, but NOT like this!! so he’s home today but in no shape for celebrating. i just hope i don’t get it!

at least now i have the car so i can get some last minute stocking stuffer goodies - i will get them when i get him some 7-up.

the card he gave me was so sweet! i love him so much.

did i tell you what my mom did? she was here on monday, and left my card in a secret place then told me where it was this morning. she’s so fun i love her so much too!

well i am feeling a bit queasy - please pray that i don’t get this flu!! pray that grampa doesn’t catch it too - it could be very dangerous for him. and as always please pray for my heart, my eggs and me about conceiving.

love you all!

the old lady,

i found something fun this morning:

it’s me as a lego person! you can make yourself into a lego too! lol

oh, if you wanted to check out kc’s site but couldn’t because i didn’t leave his address, here: KC’s Corner of Cuteness.

that’s it for the day i think. love to all!

i’m back from the dr’s appointment. it’s still pretty much the same news as before. they wouldn’t give me the shot again. the nurse said next time i’ll be taking 3 pills of clomid for seven days and that’s the highest dose of clomid they give (she said they do give up to 200mgs but it never makes a difference if 150mgs don’t do anything so it’s a waste of a month and of money). instead of just one egg that was a little bigger than the rest, this time there were four that were bigger, so that’s good news. but not big enough. she said again that it’s possible it will mature on its own and we’ll get pregnant without the shot. which i would love to see happen - and get pregnant with a girl who’d be born in september as a birthday present for my mom and my husband. my mom is really silly and wants a granddaughter born in september so she can hand down her sapphire collection to her. LOL.
anyway i’m really disappointed again. i know it’s possible i can still get pregnant - but that’s what she said last time. it’s so killer to wait month by month, day to day just waiting to see if we are. everyone says don’t think about it and maybe it will happen, but that’s not what infertility is - it doesn’t go away just because you’re not thinking about it anymore! LOL i’m so sure! even if it were true, how can you stop thinking about it in the first place is what i want to know.
i just don’t know. i’m very very sad that’s all i can say. on top of that i’m oh so tired and in a bit of pain - those type of ultrasounds really hurt.
i am going to attempt to take a nap now but i don’t know how well i’ll do! i’m not much of a nap taker - even when i’m extremely tired it’s hard for me to fall asleep during daylight hours.
oh, in case anyone is interested, i started up a blog for kc! lol it’s on his site - under ‘bloggin doggy’. he was jealous with all the other animals who had them. i still need to figure out what is wrong with the comments function - it’s not working, and i need to put up a tagboard, so if you visit him just sign the guestbook.
well i need to get off here. please pray pray pray for me, my eggs, and my heart.
God bless,

hi everyone! i know my birthday isn’t until next wednesday, but my dear sweet hubby bought my my present early, and being like me, he couldn’t wait til next week! lol! he bought me a karaoke machine! for those of you who don’t know me well, or who thinks that’s cheesy, i LOVE to sing, and i like to record stuff - me singing songs, making my own songs up and stuff, and up until a year ago i was able to do that just on my stereo. but then it stopped working right for some reason. so since we want to get a new real stereo system (not just a little one like the one we have), jerry decided to just get me a karaoke machine which records! i’m so happy! he opened it for me and i tried it out and i love it! i’m so excited about it! i have such a good bear!
that’s it for now! gonna play now!
love you all and please continue to pray for me and my eggies!